Happy Two Months, Zoë!

Shortly after Z was born

I cannot believe that Zoë was born two months ago and we've already had her home for two weeks.  Between the lack of sleep on our part and the lack of anything but change, feed, and sleep on hers, the time has flown by.

Two months later...

She and I went to her two month doctor's appointment yesterday.  She's now 5 pounds 10 ounces, though she's only gained on average 15 grams a day this past ten days.  The pediatrician would like that to be at 20 grams/day.  SO, we're probably going to up her caloric intake from 24 calories to 26 (Dr. Lee still has to call me to confirm what that recipe looks like).  I still need to supplement her nursing sessions with a bottle afterwards, and we're still limited to three per day.

Dr. Lee advised against taking Zoë on field trips (car or stroller) until two weeks after her original due date.  :(  That's a long ways away (so, we're talking mid-April).  I was really looking forward to throwing her in the stroller and taking her and Fiona for a good walk, but I guess it's going to have to wait.  Dr. Lee told me I didn't have to abide by that guideline, but she would highly recommend it, especially with Zoë's level of prematurity.  Of COURSE I'm going to listen to her, she's the expert!

Of course, Zoë also got her two month vaccinations, which included one oral vaccine and three needle pokes.  I was scared going in, which is weird knowing how many pokes, prods, and machines I saw her hooked up to in the first six weeks of her life.  As we were waiting for Dr. Lee to come into our room after the nurse left, the kid in the room next door to ours started WAILING and SCREAMING.  "Don't TOUCH me!  no! No! NO! PLEASE don't touch me!"  I felt like this went on FOREVER, and I, of course, burst into tears and left my room with Zoë in my arms.  I didn't really know where to go and there wasn't a nurse immediately outside of our room, so I awkwardly paced between the lobby and the room we were waiting in because I didn't want the doctor to come in and wonder where we were.  Finally, a nurse came by, asked if I was ok and if I wanted her to hold the baby.  NO, I did NOT want her to hold the baby.  But I can understand her concern for Zoë's safety as tears are streaming down my cheeks.

No big deal.  Now I'm just the lady who cries when OTHER people's kids gets shots.  Whatever.  By the way, the child screaming next door?  He was NINE.

 And, she screamed.  The screaming was pretty instantaneous but also over really quickly.  And she cried her first real tears.  Zoë was pretty fussy for the rest of the day and screamed like I've never heard a living thing scream before.  I was seriously concerned for my hearing.  Chris brought home some infant Tylenol (the lowest dosage is for a 6 pounder in our paperwork, so the nurse told us to do less than that, it would be ok) which, if she even kept any in her mouth, probably helped.  I held her until Chris came home and then he took over.  We watched Inglourious Bastards, drank wine and ate popcorn for date night, with a baby on our chests.  What a great night!

Surviving the first day alone

Chris went back to work today.  I know he didn't want to, and I sent him multiple pictures during the day while he was gone to make it worse.  Sorry sweetie.  I had gotten used to having him around, both to help with Zoë and I just enjoyed his company for the past week and a half.  Best. vacation. ever.

I knew I wouldn't get much done today, but I impressed myself with getting a shower (Zoë kept me company in the bathroom sitting in her bouncer), eating lunch (in the bouncer again), and getting two loads of laundry done (she was in her crib sleeping).  I even figured out how to use the Moby Wrap AND put Zoë in it to prepare dinner (I wasn't leaning over the stove, promise) and work on some WACA business.  I used it illegally, as she's supposed to be 8 lbs to be in it.  Do you know how long that is going to be?  I need to be able to use it now!  At the advice of several moms, I put her in it, made sure she was breathing regularly, and kept her flat against my body.  She fell asleep immediately.  Whew!

Tonight we're watching TV in bed (it's still in the bedroom!) while we feed and cuddle with Zoë.  What a life!

Here are some other photos from our week together:

Zoë's shirt says, "Kiss Me, I'm Cute (and Irish)".

Gaining confidence

One week later and our girl eats and sleeps with some regularity.  She's even breast feeding three times a day with consistency.

This is what we do on a 2-3 hour rotation:

-Zoë wakes up
-Warm up bottle
-Diaper change (and often outfit change...oh, the spit up!)
-Feed Zoë
-Hold her for 30-45 minutes to let her digest her food to minimize the spit up
-Lay her down in her crib for 30 minutes to an hour
-Do it again!!!

Now that that's written out, I see why it feels like we have accomplished nothing all day.  Chris and I make a list of things we accomplished every day in the evening...it's usually short.  :)

I'm still worried about her eating, and now I'm worried about breast feeding.  What if she NEVER gives up the nipple shield (it's a pain in the you-know-what)?  How long before she can breast feed and NOT need the supplemental bottle afterwards?  What the heck am I going to do out in public when I can't use the Boppy pillow to prop her up?  She's still congested, but doesn't seem as bothered by it when we lay her down.  She is the NOISIEST little girl when she's sleeping.  The grunting and whimpering and sighing is out of control!  Is she getting enough good sleep?  When she's in our arms she's completely silent, but not so much in her crib.

Here is a fashion show of some of Zoë's outfits in the past week (I can' stop taking pictures!!!):

We miss the NICU.

"I don't think I've ever been this tired in my life- not even on our honeymoon".  -Chris

It's day five at home with Zoë.  We love it but we are oh-so-tired.  Who knew that taking care of something this little was so exhausting?  Sure, she eats, poops, and sleeps, that's it.  BUT she won't sleep in her crib.  We think it's a combination of being so congested (she's SO congested) and it being new and just wanting to be held by mom and dad.

The congestion:

We elevated one side of her crib on some engineering textbooks (how fitting) thinking that being at an incline would work.  Chris went out and bought a humidifier Saturday and it's been going the entire time in her room.  Sadly, if we take her out of her room, it doesn't have a chance to work, so we're confined to sitting in the chair in her room.

The crib:

OK, can she be used to the crib in the hospital and so sleeping in our huge one is throwing her off?  Maybe.  We've tried to let her sit in her bouncer for a while to see if she was satisfied because it's smaller and she's propped up, but no dice.  I'm headed to Babies 'R Us this afternoon to purchase a swing because Jenny says it will save our life.  :)

Being held by mom and dad:

So, I've waited six and a half weeks to be able to hold Zoë whenever I want to...but she doesn't seem to want to be put down.  I think she's got us tricked into holding her 24/7.  She's congested the MINUTE we lay her down in her crib (she'll start to fuss, open her eyes, and her nose sounds gross) but if she's laying down in our lap she sounds just fine.  What the heck?!  I'm afraid to leave her in there because she won't get any sleep and she needs sleep to grow!  What's the balance between letting her soothe herself after a while or having us hold her so she sleeps immediately?  ARGH!

SO, not much to complain about except for the lack of sleep and the being confined to sitting in her chair and holding her.  There are much worse things!!!  We have a pediatrician appointment tomorrow, so I'll have some questions for him.  We're pretty much taking shifts in feeding and holding her, even through the night.  I cheated and pulled her into bed with us for a bit last night and it was glorious (don't worry, I kept her away from my pillow and blankets) because she just slept in the crook of my arm and I slept, too!

Update since Sunday (when the above was written):

She had her pediatrician appointment today...just as we thought, she's not really sick, just congested because her nasal passages are just so tiny.  She'll just have to outgrow the congestion.  The doctor assured us that we were doing the right thing by soothing her when she was upset because her only way of communicating right now is by crying.  She said the thinking of "let her cry it out" shouldn't be considered until she's five or six months old and right now we just need to pick her up and rock her and make her happy.  But she DID say that Zoë also needs to get used to her crib, and even if we start out with 15 minutes at a time to lay her in there so she can start to get used to it.  As I sit her pumping in her room, she's laying in her crib and doing pretty well.

"Hmmm, this could work."  -Zoë in her new swing.

She loved her swing yesterday, hated her bath.  How come she didn't sit as nicely in the bath water as she did when she was in the NICU?  I miss the nurses and doctors who know us and Zoë.  :(  Today's appointment was hard because the doctor (while really nice) didn't know her background very well or what the plan for her was when she left the NICU.  I'm sure it'll get easier once this transitional period is over, but change is hard.

I feel like Debbie Downer.  :(  Emily will be back tomorrow...she's just got to take a shower and possibly have a Samoa or two to snap out of it.

OK, but look at her!  Isn't she sweet?  :)

Homecoming

Zoë's home!  Tearful goodbyes today at the hospital (ok, those were from me) and we were on our way.  My favorite quote from Chris today:  "I can't believe they actually let US leave with a baby."

Sink or swim?  That's what this afternoon has been so far!  Zoë had a pretty eventful morning, so she didn't get a lot of sleep (that's what I'm blaming this afternoon's shenanigans on). When we got home, we let Fiona say hello (she's REALLY excited about this new plaything!  I told her it was better than the Dart-the laser toy she has-but that she has to wait a while until Zoë's up and running for her really to be fun) and then I sat with Zoë in the glider.  I wasn't going to put her down just yet, no-sir.  Chris said, "are you good?" and ran to the store to pick up her prescription of iron and some lunch and a few other essentials.

And, of course, while he was gone Zoë went from sleeping sweetly baby to screaming baby in a matter of minutes.  I figured out she was hungry (duh, mom) and panicked because I a) hadn't prepared a mixture of breast milk and human milk fortifier yet for a bottle and b) hadn't figured out how to use the bottle warmer yet and c) she was screaming and I was all by myself.  I managed to get a bottle of milk warming, but in my panic I warmed up 240 ml of milk (because I prepared what should have been enough for the entire day) instead of the 20 or so she would need after breast feeding if she wanted it.  So, goodbye milk.  I changed her diaper quickly and sat down with her.  She went to town breast feeding which gave me time to text Chris and say "I need you NOW".  Needless to say, I was a mess, Zoë was a mess, and we've learned the lesson to have a bottle ready.  I've never felt panic like I did for those five minutes of screaming (it seemed like it went on for an hour).

Fiona loves this little plaything. :)

When she was done eating, I tried to put her in her crib but she'd start screaming.  We made sure she didn't want the bottle.  We swaddled her and put her in her crib.  She'd scream.  Chris said he'd hold her while she slept and she's peacefully dozing in his arms in the nursery.  Clearly, she's had a lot of change in one day...and she's not used to this crib we have.  So, we'll ease her into sleeping in there, right?  And, when he told me to go and relax I came out to the kitchen and found flowers and Cadbury eggs waiting for me.  What a guy.

Multitasking

But, she's home and all ours.  What a great day to start a family!

Chris is taking a week off of work, thank goodness, and I'm excited to spend the week with him.  We're going to figure out how to be a family for a good week before we start having visitors or going anywhere so please excuse us as we hide-away in our house for a bit because we'll never have this first week back just the three of us.  I'm sure we'll be ready to show off our little girl after some alone time, but we need this time for ourselves.  :)

Thank you for all of your kind words of encouragement over the last seven weeks, and sharing this journey with us.  I'm not done blogging or taking pictures, so this will continue to go on for some time, but I don't think I'll post every blog entry on Facebook (because I think I should re-claim it as mine!).  So, if you really want to keep the most up-to-date that you can, you should subscribe to the blog so you'll know immediately when there are new pictures and stories of Miss Zoë.

Love,
Zoë, Chris, and Emily
(and Fiona and Joe!)

The best five pounds I've ever gained.

Zoë wearing her first Two-Teta (my Teta!) hat

The last 48 hours have been incredible to see Zoë's progress (including hitting the five pound mark!).  48 hours ago was tough because she hadn't been doing her feeds very consistently, wasn't focused during breast feeding, and was just not moving as fast as I wanted her to!  Her doctors and nurses have been so reassuring, "she'll get it...one day the lightbulb will just go off in her head and she'll do it!".

Yesterday, the care team made the decision to let her try ad lib feeding, which means she tells us when she's hungry and then we feed her.  If she wakes up every two hours, then we feed her that often.  If she doesn't wake up for four hours, though, then we wake her up and feed her.  She hasn't used her feeding tube in over 24 hours, so that's gone, too!

Zoë sent her Teta happy birthday wishes all the way to Albuquerque yesterday.

I'm up to breast feeding 3 times per day and let me tell you, the lightbulb REALLY went off in that department.  One of the children's therapists came in this morning and both of us were in tears over Zoë's progress.  The therapist said this is probably the last time she'll see us as an inpatient.  She latches quickly and has good strong sucks for a long time.  Her respiratory rate is very good when she's doing this, too, which is most impressive.  This morning she nursed for 20 minutes!  As I type this in her room, though, she's starting to get fussy again...there's definitely a delicate balance of making sure she practices breast feeding and getting enough food.






Oooooohkay.  Everything prior to this was written before rounds.  Doctor during rounds: "So, we expect Zoë to go home tomorrow."  WHAT?!  I believe I told her to shut up, which, in hindsight, probably isn't very professional of me, but I was totally and completely surprised.  If Zoë eats and gains weight like she did in the past 24 hours, we are going to spring her from the hospital.  I went from extremely excited to extremely scared in about ten seconds flat.  What if she stops eating?  What if she won't sleep?  What if all of a sudden my diaper changing skills are thrown out the window because we're in a different place and don't have a careful eye of the nurse right there?  I KNOW I can take care of her, but there's something about having that red call button to summon a nurse at a moment's notice that is so reassuring.  ACK!

So, basically, her nurse today kicked me out (she was gentle about it) and said I should go and run any errands I needed to run and take care of anything I needed to take care of because tomorrow it's going to be a lot harder to do that.  Tonight when Chris and I go back to the hospital we are required to watch the infant CPR video and practice, we're going to give Zoë a bath, and she's going to take her car seat test.

Cross your fingers for us that she does well between today and tomorrow and that I can get through her discharge tomorrow without bursting into tears in front of the entire care team (that's not very likely, let's be honest).

Feeder and Grower

Zoë has been eating from a bottle like a champ this week and is classified as a "feeder and grower" in the NICU, because that's what we're focusing on now.  The day after she began learning how to nipple, I came in to find this sweet note on her white board:

How exciting!  And then that afternoon she took a WHOLE BOTTLE (was 43 ml at the time) during her feeding.  Whew, we're getting there.  I'm glad that the care team laughs at my joke ("so, she's ready to go home today, right?  I'll get the car seat.") every time I make it because I'm really only half joking.

In the past few days, Zoë has taken several entire bottles (although, never when the children's therapist is there to evaluate her...I think she wants to stay in the NICU for longer.  Or she has test anxiety.).  She's inconsistent, though, and needs to rest thoroughly between care times.  Her therapy orders are to take three sucks, take a break, and repeat as many times as she will do on her own.  It's a long process!  She's supposed to only get about a half an hour of work in at a time, because the therapists don't want her to be burning more calories than she's taking in by feeding.

When I came into her room yesterday, the nurse informed me that she had pulled her NG tube out of her nose.  Goofball.  The nurse was hoping to keep it out and only put it in if she needed it in the future, which would depend on Zoë taking her whole bottle that feed.  Unfortunately, she only killed about half of that bottle, so I told her that the tube had to go back in.  The picture to the left here is how she felt then.  Chris said it was her first lesson that her actions have consequences.  :)

We've been working on breastfeeding, which is, let me tell you, not easy.  I say this because I usually have about three people hunkering over me and Zoë while one or more of them push, prod, and poke me in the breast to "help" with the process.  All modesty is out the window when complete strangers massage your boob.  Zoë tends to do best when it's quiet, less people, and the lights are low (bow chicka wow wow).  I can't remember if I already posted this, but one of the children's therapists told me that she would not master breastfeeding by the time she goes home, but by the time she (the therapist) calls me in a month for follow up that we'll have it down.  So much for a natural process.

Why is pooping so funny?  Well, it is: